Today, I found myself once again face-to-face with change. It's funny how, despite all I've experienced in my life—the ups, the downs, the triumphs, and the trials—change still has the power to shake me to my core.
I've had my fair share of big changes, not just small adjustments. From personal upheavals to professional shifts, each change has left its mark on me. But even now, with all that behind me, I still struggle with change and the uncertainty it brings.
This morning, I received news of a significant change at work. It felt like the ground beneath me had shifted, leaving me unsteady and uncertain. My heart felt like it was in free fall, the pit of my stomach a chasm of doubt. I started questioning myself: Was I not sure of myself? Did I not value myself enough? Or is this reaction normal? Could it be that perimenopause is playing a role in how I'm processing this?
As the news sank in, my mind became a whirlwind of racing thoughts, each one faster and more chaotic than the last. It was like trying to catch a flurry of leaves in a storm. My heart started to pound in my chest, a drumbeat of anxiety that seemed to echo louder with each passing second. The physical symptoms were overwhelming—my hands trembled, my breath came in shallow gasps, and a wave of nausea washed over me. The rational part of my mind was at war with my fears, each battling for dominance. I couldn't help but remember all the times I've faced change before, wondering why, after all this time, it still had this power over me.
I felt irritable and scared, like a small boat tossed about in a stormy sea. The fear was tangible, a monstrous shadow lurking under my bed that no one else could see. It whispered to me in the dark, amplifying my doubts and fears. This unseen monster was a constant presence, feeding on my uncertainties and growing stronger with each anxious thought.
Irritation bubbled up inside me, making me snap at those around me. It was as if I was a tightly wound spring, ready to release all the tension I was holding onto. The smallest things set me off, and I felt trapped in a cycle of fear and frustration.
In the midst of this turmoil, a voice inside me tried to reason: "Okay, you need to breathe. You are being irrational. This is not the end of the world." But then the darker thoughts would creep in: "What if they get rid of me? What if I can't provide for my kids?" The rational part of my mind was at war with my fears, each battling for dominance.
The logical side of me knew that I needed to stay calm and collected. Yet, the fear of uncertainty and potential loss loomed large, casting a shadow over every reassuring thought. The what-ifs echoed louder than the reassurances, making it hard to find my footing.
Our thoughts can spiral out of control, twisting and turning like a rollercoaster with no brakes. It feels like there are two monsters inside of us, each pulling in opposite directions. One monster whispers words of logic and reason, urging us to stay calm. The other feeds on our deepest fears, amplifying every worry and doubt.
It's like being stuck in a quirky video game where two characters—Logic Larry and Fearsome Freddie—are constantly at odds. Logic Larry, with his sensible glasses and calm demeanor, tries to navigate through the maze of rational thought, offering solutions and soothing words. But then Fearsome Freddie, a wild-eyed creature with a penchant for drama, leaps out from the shadows, sending panic signals and conjuring up worst-case scenarios.
We get lost in these thoughts, feeling like we're watching a comical monster movie where the monsters are hilariously over-the-top, yet somehow incredibly effective at keeping us on edge. It’s like our brain is the battlefield, and these two forces are duking it out with dramatic flair, leaving us as mere spectators to the chaos.
For parents, this struggle is even more intense. The fear of not being able to provide for our children adds a heavy weight to the equation. Every decision, every change, carries the potential impact on our loved ones. The stakes feel impossibly high. The thought of failing our children, of not being able to give them the security they need, is a fear that grips us tightly. I think about my own kids, their futures, and the pressure mounts. How can I ensure they have everything they need when I'm struggling to find my own footing?
As parents, we often feel we must be the strong ones, the unwavering pillars of support. But beneath that exterior, there is a torrent of emotions and fears that we seldom share. The fear of the unknown, the anxiety about our ability to provide, and the worry about how changes will affect our children can consume us. It's a silent battle we fight every day, often without anyone knowing.
When we hear about changes at work, it isn't just about the job. It's about the stability and future of our family. The what-ifs spiral into a storm of anxiety: "What if I lose my job? How will I pay the bills? How will I ensure my kids have what they need?" These thoughts create a sense of urgency and panic that can be overwhelming.
But in these moments of fear and doubt, it's important to remember that we are not alone. Every parent has faced similar worries. We all have those moments when the monsters of fear and doubt seem to take over. Recognizing this shared experience can help us feel less isolated. It's okay to acknowledge our fears and vulnerabilities. By doing so, we can start to find strength in our resilience and determination.
Parents reading this, know that your feelings are valid. The fear, the uncertainty, the internal battles—they are all part of the journey. We may not have all the answers, but we have each other. Together, we can face the monsters under our beds and navigate the changes that life throws our way.
Today's Wisdom
Today's message isn’t from my usual jar but from Roy T. Bennett: "When things do not go your way, remember that every challenge—every adversity—contains within it the seeds of opportunity and growth."
As I was writing this post, I remembered this quote and reflected on it. It struck a chord with me, serving as a powerful reminder that amidst change and uncertainty, there lies the potential for growth and new opportunities. This message resonates deeply with me, especially after today’s news at work. It’s about understanding that while change can be frightening, it also offers us a chance to evolve and discover new strengths within ourselves.
Despite how I feel right now, I know this is part of the process. It’s hard to embrace change and not let fear take over, but it's part of our journey. To anyone else feeling this way, know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and unsure. We all question our worth and our decisions during times of change. The important thing is that we keep going, keep trying, and keep believing in our resilience.
To my fellow parents and readers, how do you cope with change? Do you have any tips or strategies that help you stay grounded when life feels uncertain? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s create a supportive community where we can learn from each other and find strength together.
And if all else fails, just remember: parenthood and life changes are like a never-ending game of Whac-A-Mole—just when you think you've got everything under control, something else pops up and you’re scrambling to handle it, all while trying to keep a smile on your face! You might even start to wonder if the universe is playing a prank on you, and all you can do is laugh at the absurdity of it all.
Remember, keep whispering your truth—because sometimes the most important lessons are the ones we learn while navigating the twists and turns of change.