As a teen (and in true teenager style), I always valued words—their meanings, their representations. But as I grew older, I experienced a shift. It’s not that I no longer value words; I do. But now, a word is just that: a word. What I seek is the action behind it. At the end of the day, don’t we see ourselves through the eyes of the people we interact with daily?

Think about it. You see yourself as an accomplished human when you’re productive at work and making an impact. You see yourself as a parent when you’re guiding and providing for your children. Conversely, you might view yourself negatively when you lack in some areas. For instance, you may see yourself as a horrible person if your partner mistreats you or doesn’t appreciate you. Or you might feel like a loser if a stranger at the supermarket counter cuts you off without asking for permission and gives you a dismissive look.

So, what is it about words and actions? What is it about how we view ourselves in comparison to others?

From a psychological perspective, the correlation between words and actions is crucial. Words have the power to uplift us, inspire us, and make us feel valued. However, if the actions that follow don’t align with those words, it creates a cognitive dissonance—a mental conflict between what we are told and what we actually experience.

Imagine someone tells you they love and cherish you, but their actions scream, "You're just an option." They might say the right things, but if they consistently fail to support you, prioritize you, or show basic human decency, their words become as empty as a politician's promises. This discrepancy messes with our heads. Our brains are wired to seek consistency and trustworthiness in our relationships. When actions contradict words, it can lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and thinking, "What did I do to deserve this?"

Dr. Albert Mehrabian, a psychologist, highlighted this in his communication theory. He suggested that actions and non-verbal cues play a more significant role in conveying feelings and attitudes than words alone. According to his research, only 7% of communication is verbal, while 93% is non-verbal (38% through tone of voice and 55% through body language and actions). In simpler terms, actions speak louder than words.

When someone's actions consistently show care, respect, and love, we internalize those positive messages. We begin to see ourselves as worthy and valued, reinforcing a healthy self-image. Conversely, when actions contradict words, it can erode our trust and sense of self. We may start to question our worth and feel insecure, wondering why someone’s actions don’t match their words.

The takeaway here is that actions and words must align for genuine, healthy relationships. It’s essential to surround ourselves with people whose actions reflect their words. This alignment helps us maintain a positive self-image and fosters trust and security in our relationships.

But let’s not forget, it’s a two-way street. Just as we expect others to align their words with their actions, we must hold ourselves to the same standard. Are we walking the talk? Are our actions reflecting our promises and intentions? It's worth reflecting on our own behaviors and making sure we’re not contributing to the very dissonance we wish to avoid.

For instance, if we tell our friends we’ll always be there for them, we need to show up when they need us. If we say we value honesty, we should practice it, even when it’s uncomfortable. By aligning our actions with our words, we not only build stronger relationships but also reinforce our own sense of integrity and self-worth.

So, let’s strive for consistency between our words and actions. Let’s surround ourselves with people who uplift us not just with their words but with their deeds. And let’s be the kind of person whose actions speak louder than words, creating a ripple effect of trust, respect, and genuine connection.

Today's Wisdom

"I am not who you think I am. I am not who I think I am. I am who I think you think I am." – Charles Horton Cooley

Charles Horton Cooley, an American sociologist, introduced this thought-provoking idea in his work on the "looking-glass self." Cooley's concept highlights how our self-image is shaped by our perceptions of how others view us. Essentially, we see ourselves through the imagined eyes of others, constructing our identity based on their perceived judgments.

This quote is particularly relevant to today's topic. It underscores the importance of actions aligning with words. When someone's actions contradict their words, it affects how we perceive ourselves through their eyes, leading to confusion and self-doubt. By ensuring that our actions match our words, we can help create a more consistent and positive reflection of ourselves in the eyes of those around us. This alignment fosters genuine connections and helps us build a stronger, more confident sense of self.

Remember, keep whispering your truth—because when words and actions align, your authentic self shines the brightest.

Leila ❤️