Turning 43 was not easy. Hell, turning 40 wasn't easy. I feel not young, but more like a child on the inside, trapped in this body. And now, apparently, I’m going through peri-menopause. What’s that? Seriously. After everything I have been through and my struggle with anxiety and depression, I have to go through peri-menopause. How fun.
So, peri-menopause, for those lucky enough to be unaware, is like Mother Nature’s way of saying, “Oh, you thought you were done with the rollercoaster? Here’s another loop!” It’s the wonderful phase where your body decides to throw all sorts of random symptoms at you, just for kicks. For some it's hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings—sounds like a party, right? Not to mention the brain fog. Imagine trying to remember where you left your keys, but you can't even remember what keys are.
For me, it’s tingling in the arms, hands, and feet, sharp mood swings, a tight chest, and forgetfulness. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize who I am. It’s as if my body decided that dealing with anxiety and depression wasn't challenging enough. “Let’s add some hormonal chaos into the mix, just to keep things interesting,” said no one ever. I mean, seriously, what’s next? A surprise pop quiz on the reproductive system?
But here’s the thing—I’ve always believed in finding humor in the chaos. So, while my body is playing its own twisted version of “Survivor: Hormonal Edition,” I’m trying to laugh through it. Because sometimes, laughter is the best way to handle the absurdity of it all.
And if nothing else, it gives me plenty to write about. So, if you’re going through this too, know that you’re not alone. We’re all in this crazy, unpredictable, peri-menopausal boat together.
And as if that wasn't enough, the daily grind of life adds another layer of exhaustion. I am honestly tired. What's in it for me, or is that selfish? As of late, I have been really tired emotionally. I feel like a loser. It’s so hard to go through the motions of every day—wake up, sleep, work, and so on.
Some days, it feels like I'm just going through the motions, barely getting by. I wake up, work, sleep, and repeat. It’s exhausting, and I often wonder if it’s all worth it. I know this might sound bleak, but I believe in being honest about where I’m at.
I have to provide for my children, take care of the house, and tend to the emotional needs of my adorable, not-so-little-anymore kids. But I’m tired. Honestly, can't I just find the pause button in this life? I don't want a long pause—just an hour where nothing happens, where everything is okay, and nothing is going to affect me or my children in a negative way.
Do you ever wish you could run away? Just escape from everything? I do. I think about it a lot, but I’m torn as a mother. I want to be away but with my children. I want the thoughts to stop, this turmoil to take a break. I’m ready to take it on again, just let it stop for a while. As I’m writing this, I imagine a storm in my head—hail, rain, tornado, all together in my head.
It's overwhelming, and sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels this way. Is it normal to feel like you’re drowning in responsibilities and emotions? I don’t have all the answers, but I know that writing helps. Sharing these thoughts, even if they seem messy and raw, helps me process them. And maybe, just maybe, someone else out there reading this feels a little less alone too.
Life can be really tough, and it's okay to admit that. We’re all in this together, facing our own battles, and sometimes just knowing someone else gets it can make a world of difference.
Message of the Day: In my office, I have a jar that says, "Pick your message of the day." Every day, I pull a paper from it and read what it says. Today's message is:
"Being different is one of the most beautiful things on earth."
This little message brought a smile to my face. It’s a reminder that even in the midst of our struggles and feelings of inadequacy, our uniqueness is a beautiful thing. Embracing who we are, with all our quirks and differences, is something to be celebrated. Because honestly, if we can’t laugh at the fact that anxiety has us triple-checking if we locked the door (spoiler: we did) or that peri-menopause has us sweating like we just ran a marathon (while sitting on the couch), what can we laugh at?
Lately, I’ve been exploring meditation through the Headspace app. Taking a few minutes each day to focus on my breathing and clear my mind has been grounding. It doesn’t solve all my problems, but it provides a brief respite from the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I’m trying to find solutions—I haven’t found the best one yet. It’s been 3 days since I started meditating, and it seems to have a soothing effect for now. I’ll tell you more as the days go by.
Despite these efforts, I still find it hard to cope. There are days when I feel like I'm just going through the motions, barely getting by. I often wonder if it’s all worth it. But I believe in being honest about where I’m at, and I want you to know that it’s okay to feel this way. We don’t have to have it all together all the time. It’s okay to struggle and to admit that we’re finding it hard to cope.
Life can be really tough, and it's okay to admit that. We’re all in this together, facing our own battles, and sometimes just knowing someone else gets it can make a world of difference.
Remember, keep whispering your truth—because every day is a new adventure.