Every day for the past week, I've been bombarded by this infuriatingly cheerful radio commercial. You know the one: it claims you can magically manage grocery shopping, pharmacy runs, and spa appointments with just a few taps on an app. Oh sure, because adding another app to my already overloaded phone is exactly what I needed. Thanks for the life-changing advice!
This ad got me thinking about the real culprit behind our daily exhaustion: the mental load.
It’s that invisible backpack we carry around—constantly stuffed with to-dos, schedules, and mental notes. And it never seems to get any lighter. The mental load isn’t just about physically doing the grocery shopping or booking appointments; it’s the endless planning, anticipating, and worrying about every tiny detail. And unlike those apps claim, you can’t just swipe your way to freedom.
Take my household, for instance. Last week, my son had surgery on his eyes. His vision was blurry, so he couldn’t use his phone or devices. I had to keep him entertained while managing the daily tasks. On top of that, everyone at home caught a cold—including my dog, who got sick too. The mental load didn’t take a break for our collective chaos. It never does.
And the thing is, the world keeps moving. Whether you're overwhelmed, exhausted, or just plain fed up, the mental load is still there, waiting for you to pick it up again the next morning.
The mental load, also called cognitive labor, refers to the relentless task of managing household and family responsibilities. It’s invisible yet ever-present. Keeping track of everyone’s schedules, anticipating needs, and remembering what needs to be done—all while maintaining some personal space—can quickly lead to burnout.
And here’s the thing: the mental load doesn’t just switch off. Even when you're sitting down with a cup of tea or trying to relax with a book, that invisible list is still running in your head. It's a constant loop of tasks, reminders, and worries. You could be in the middle of watching a movie, and suddenly remember you need to schedule your son’s dentist appointment or pick up groceries. It’s like background noise that never quiets down, even when you're trying to unwind.
Women, especially, bear the brunt of this. Yes, men experience the mental load too, but let’s be honest—society has set different expectations for us. We're the default managers of the house, the caregivers, the emotional support systems. It's not just about doing the tasks; it's about the mental and emotional energy it takes to think of everyone else's needs while still trying to remember your own.
Psychologically, the mental load takes a toll. Chronic stress, sleepless nights, anxiety, and even feelings of inadequacy are all too familiar. We’re expected to do it all, yet it feels like we’re always falling short. How often do we question whether we’re doing enough, even when we’re clearly overwhelmed?
Over time, I’ve found a few strategies that help ease this invisible burden, though I’m far from perfect at it.
For the first time, I accepted my boss’s offer to work from home, recognizing that my body needed rest and my son needed me. I’m not one to back down from responsibilities, but this time, I said yes. My son was recovering, and I was sick too—something had to give. I realized I didn’t have to be Superwoman every day.
And it’s not just about working from home or delegating tasks. I’ve had to embrace the idea that saying “no” isn’t a weakness; it’s self-preservation. Whether it's turning down a social event or skipping a weekend getaway, I’ve become more selective with my time. Setting boundaries has been a game-changer for my mental well-being. I’ve learned that saying “no” is not just okay—it’s empowering.
And then, there’s self-care. Real self-care, not the picture-perfect bubble bath kind. I mean the moments where I allow myself to breathe, to walk without an agenda, or to sit in silence without guilt. These moments are small, but they’re my lifeline.
The mental load isn’t something we need to shoulder alone. We don’t have to be perfect or handle everything ourselves.
Sharing responsibilities isn’t about handing off a few tasks—it’s about acknowledging that we deserve help, that we shouldn’t carry the weight of everything. It’s okay to let go, to trust others, and to remind ourselves that we don’t need to juggle everything to prove our worth.
At the end of the day, we all deserve a little peace of mind. We deserve to feel that it’s okay to drop a few of those juggling balls—because nothing terrible will happen if we do. In fact, we’ll realize we never needed to hold them all at once in the first place.
Today’s Wisdom:
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
— Anne Lamott
Anne Lamott, an American author known for her witty and honest reflections on life, faith, and personal growth, often writes about embracing imperfection and finding humor in life’s challenges. In her book Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers, she encourages us to take moments to disconnect and recharge, reminding us that just like we need to unplug our devices, we too need breaks to reset. In lightening the mental load, this is a powerful reminder that we deserve to pause, step back, and give ourselves the care we need to function at our best.
Remember, keep whispering your truth—because the lighter your load, the brighter you shine.