So, you’ve faced another disappointment. Join the club. Whether it’s that promotion you didn’t get, your kid’s less-than-stellar report card, or someone not following through on their promise—disappointments are life’s way of keeping us on our toes. Now, the big question: who do we blame? Ourselves for having expectations, or the other party for not meeting them? Let’s be real, we all have expectations. Not high expectations, just expectations.

Let me paint you a picture. I was promised a ride to work today. The person who swore up and down they'd get me there on time failed to wake up. Despite their insistent assurances, they were snoozing away while I was left to handle the mess. At 5:30 am, I had to move their car, which was parked in front of mine, and then rush to work so I wouldn't be late. As I was juggling cars and racing against the clock, I started thinking about how often we set ourselves up for disappointment. It was the perfect (and perfectly annoying) example of how expectations can lead to frustration when reality doesn't align.

As I reached work and calmed down, I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. I mean, who wouldn't be frustrated? (Pro tip: always have a backup plan or learn to teleport.) I started thinking: had this happened on another day when I was maybe less hormonal, would I have been okay? Had the fact that this person stayed up late watching the Euro Cup finale, despite knowing they had to wake up early to take me to work, made me more disappointed? Does disappointment have the same impact depending on our mood, or does it change? Is its impact bigger or smaller depending on our emotional state?

Let's be honest, our mood plays a huge role in how we perceive disappointments. On a good day, we might shrug off minor letdowns with a laugh and a "no big deal." But catch us on a day when everything feels overwhelming, and even the smallest disappointment can feel like the end of the world. It's like having an emotional magnifying glass that amplifies everything.

So, how do we handle disappointments in life, especially when different people are involved? Our reactions can vary greatly depending on whether the person disappointing us is our child, partner, friend, or a complete stranger. Let's break it down:

When our kids disappoint us, it's often a mix of frustration and concern. We want the best for them, and when they fall short, it can feel like a reflection on us as parents. Yet, we tend to be more forgiving, knowing they're still learning and growing. We might say, "I'm disappointed, but I know you can do better," or offer guidance on how they can improve. There's a sense of responsibility to teach and nurture them, so while the disappointment is there, it’s often cushioned by our love and hope for their future. Our patience comes from understanding their journey and recognizing our role in guiding them.

Disappointment from a partner can sting deeply because we expect them to understand us and meet our needs. It's easy to let frustration turn into a heated argument. We might feel more hurt and express it bluntly: "I can't believe you did this!" or "You always let me down." But it’s crucial to communicate openly and work through these feelings together. The emotional investment is high, and so is the potential for hurt, but also for growth and deeper understanding if we navigate the situation with care. The intensity here is because we see our partners as our closest allies and their actions or inactions hit closer to our core expectations and needs.

Friends are our chosen family, so when they disappoint us, it can feel like a betrayal. However, we also tend to be more understanding because we value the relationship. A typical reaction might be a mix of hurt and humor: "Really? You forgot my birthday again?" followed by a discussion to clear the air and reinforce the friendship. With friends, there’s often a balance of addressing the issue directly while also appreciating the long-term bond you share. This dynamic exists because friendships thrive on mutual respect and shared experiences, making it easier to forgive but still significant when letdowns occur.

Disappointment from strangers usually triggers a more detached response. We might get annoyed or angry, but it's often easier to let go because there's no personal relationship at stake. For instance, when a barista gets your order wrong, you might think, "Seriously? How hard is it to get a coffee order right?" But you probably won't dwell on it for long. The transient nature of these interactions makes it simpler to shrug off and move on. Our limited emotional investment in strangers means their actions have a less profound impact on our well-being.

In all these situations, our mood and current stress levels can amplify or diminish our reactions. On a good day, a small disappointment might barely register. But on a bad day, it can feel like the last straw. Understanding this can help us navigate our reactions and maintain healthier relationships, whether with our children, partners, friends, or strangers.

So why can't we handle disappointment the same with everyone? The difference lies in the depth of our emotional investment and the expectations we hold. We tend to be more lenient with children and friends because, let's face it, kids are still learning how to be humans, and friends—well, they get a pass because we value the long-term camaraderie (and they might have embarrassing stories about us from college).

But with our partners? Oh boy, that's a whole different story. The disappointment cuts deeper because of the intimate bond and the sky-high expectations of unconditional support and understanding. When your partner lets you down, it's like a personal affront to your very soul. Instead of shrugging it off, we’re more likely to react strongly and feel the burning need to retaliate. "You forgot our anniversary? Fine, enjoy your cold dinner!" Sound familiar?

Let's be honest here, how much can we control our reactions? How much can we control our mood? Is it okay to be disappointed and reactive, or should we be more in control? These are the million-dollar questions.

What I've found works for me is to actually have some time by myself and ponder what happened. I try to focus on all the nice things the 'disappointing' party (just kidding) has done before and assess how I am going to react. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that they are not defined by this one letdown. It's like giving them a mental highlight reel of their greatest hits, which often helps to soften the blow.

I’ve also learned that I needed to let go of controlling people because isn’t having expectations just a sneaky way of trying to control those around you? Think about it. When you expect someone to do something and they don’t, the disappointment stems from them not following the script you wrote for them in your head. It’s like you’re the director of a play, and everyone else is ad-libbing.

So, maybe the trick isn’t to lower our expectations, but to manage them and be flexible. Allow room for the unexpected, the unplanned, and yes, the disappointing. That way, when things don’t go as we hoped, we can roll with the punches a bit better.

Today's Wisdom:

“Disappointment is just the initial shock of the universe reminding you that life doesn’t always go according to plan.” – Sarah Dessen

This quote really resonates with me, especially after today’s little fiasco. It’s a gentle reminder that life loves to keep us on our toes. Disappointment isn't the end; it's just a detour. It's the universe’s way of saying, “Hey, I’ve got something else in store for you. Buckle up!”

And if all else fails, there’s always ice cream. Or binge-watching your favorite sitcom. Or both. Because sometimes, the best way to handle disappointment is to laugh it off with a spoon in hand and your favorite show on repeat.

Remember, keep whispering your truth—because even when life throws curveballs, there's always something to learn and a reason to smile.